Life Lessons: What Makes a True (Gentle)man?

Being a gentleman. What does that mean? Going through the media of today, one can see that this term is used very often and that it is interpreted as a man who acts and is a certain way towards his fellow men, but especially towards women. The whole “a gentleman is a man who opens a lady the door” way of interpreting what a gentleman is gets one thinking at what type of mentality lies beneath such sayings.  First of all, it needs to be noticed that almost all these “rules” that fly around about what it means to be a gentleman are codes of conduct towards women. Of course, there is nothing wrong with being courteous towards women, but there is something wrong with being courteous towards women because they are women. First of all, being a certain way towards someone because of their sex, age or any other similar factor is not only an insult brought to the women’s suffrage and towards all the women’s and egalitarian movements that have followed, which are all connected and can’t be otherwise; but it is also an insult to the man following the rules. Obviously a  Man should be nice, elegant in manner and respectful, but he should be this way to everyone: to men, to women, to children.

 

Secondly, understanding that being a man in general and a gentleman in particular presumes that you will act a certain way towards women is an insult to women everywhere. Why does a women need to have the door opened for her because she’s a woman? Is she that easily impressed or that incompetent? Moreover, a woman who expects to be treated a certain way because she is a woman is not only demeaning herself, but if she has a list of formalities which she expects a man to fulfill, she will never have a partner, she will only have a boss. And the same goes for the man who enters this game – he will never be able to truly communicate with his lady, if he must always obey to meet her pretenses. And then there’s the case of gay men. If the heteronormative world view expects people to behave one way or another because of their sex, what happens when two men or two women are in a relationship? This only goes to show how limited a world view that stops at formalities is.

Being a Man, in the positive cultural meaning of the word (even though considering that only men are strong and nice is not very O.K. either) is more than just doing things. There are many who seem gentlemanly, but one needs to wonder whether they really live in the spirit of being true to themselves? As Roman author Aulus Gellius said, “I see the beard and cloak, but I don’t yet see a philosopher.”
And, speaking of quotes, we have put together a roundup of just a few quotes that speak about what it truly means to be a gentle(man) that we are sure will inspire you:

 

 

 

“The final test of a gentleman is his respect for those who can be of no possible service to him.” – William Lyon Phelps

 

 

 

“You should put on the best version of yourself when you go out in the world because that is a show of respect to the other people around you.” – Tom Ford

 

“A gentleman doesn’t have one set of manners for the house of a poor man and another for the house of someone with an income incomparable to his own.” – William Maxwell

 

 

 

“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.” – Marcus Aurelius

 

 

And in the end, our favorite quote:

“My boy,” said a father to his son, “treat everyone with politeness — even those who are rude to you. For remember that you show courtesy to others not because they are gentlemen, but because you are one.” – Charles Dickens

 

 

 

Fraquoh and Franchomme

 

 

 

 

 

P.S. What do you think? What truly makes a gentleman?  Share your feedback, questions or thoughts in the comments below! For more articles on style, fashion tips and cultural insights, don’t forget to subscribe to Attire Club via e-mail or follow us on Facebook or Twitter!